Sark Tank 3.0: Investing in Texas Tech, the SEC, USC’s Defense and G6 Chaos
Episode Description
In this episode, we bring back Sark Tank for a third installment, with Andy Staples joining us as a guest Sark to hear a fresh batch of 2026 college football investment pitches. The premise is simple: Ty makes the case, Dan and Andy decide how much emotional capital they are willing to put on the line, and the discussion goes wherever the market takes it.
We dig into Brendan Sorsby’s arrival at Texas Tech, the SEC’s chances of reclaiming the national championship, whether Gary Patterson can help fix USC’s defense, and which new Group of Six contender could crash the College Football Playoff. Plus, we debate Miami’s path to finally winning the ACC, Notre Dame’s national perception, the strange economics of college football optimism, and why some investments are easier to sell than others.
It’s part preview, part parody, and part offseason therapy session, complete with emotional tortillas, regional brands, ACC weirdness, New Mexico Lobos enthusiasm, and just enough Shark Tank energy to make everyone legally uncomfortable.
Transcript
Welcome to The Solid Verbal. The Solid Verbal. Come after me!
Dan Rubenstein, welcome back to the show, my great and good friend.
You know, the idea for today's concept originally came about in the year of our Lord 2022, when we were doing a Big Ten preview and you did a Paul Chryst impression. Do you remember this? Sort of like an Eeyore voice?
Right.
It was something like, “Hey, Sarks, it’s me, Paul. I know our offense hasn’t been super exciting, but I want to pitch you…” And I don’t remember who I was pitching as the difference-maker for Wisconsin. But I do remember saying, “Hey, sharks.”
At the time, it was “sharks.” Then we had some time to marinate over it, and it became “Sarks.”
I wrote it down. We took it from there. We did this episode for the first time three or four years ago, I want to say. We brought it back last year. This is the third time now over our run as a show that we are doing this.
And we’re bringing in a guest Sark, as we did last year and the year prior: Andy Staples from On3, from Andy & Ari and the College Football Enquirer. Dude is all over the place. I see he’s dressed up for the occasion, as Dan and I have as well.
Andy, it is a pleasure to have someone of your caliber here in the conference room with us today.
Thank you. I went back and watched from two years ago. I actually wore a tie, which proved I had not been watching a lot of actual Shark Tank. My kids got into it later, and we probably burned through every episode, so I know now: it’s got to be blazer, no tie. That’s the dress code.
That’s right.
I’m taking on the role of one of the cool Sarks. One of the Sarks always has the, “I’m not a regular shark, I’m a cool shark” thing going. I wear interesting boots. And I’m wearing my Buc-ee’s shirt underneath a blazer in honor of German Freddie.
Yes, in honor of German Freddie and all of the World Cup tourists discovering all that this great land has to offer as they travel and get ready to watch their version of football.
There it is.
Well, the episode title, if you have downloaded and are listening now, is Sark Tank. What is Sark Tank? The premise is very simple: I am going to be your designated pitch man throughout the course of this episode. I am bringing ideas to both of our illustrious Sarks here in hopes of securing their emotional investment for the coming season.
Andy and Dan are the precious sharks in this episode. However, this is a college football show instead of the actual Shark Tank, which is why, if anyone’s wondering, we’re calling you Sarks instead.
You are free to invest as much or as little as you see fit. You can obviously say you’re out. I mean, you’ve seen the show.
Are you going to be disturbingly chipper as you give your pitch? Because I feel like that is a requirement.
We’ll see what we can muster up, okay?
What they’re going for is Wheel of Fortune contestant on speed.
You’re not just hosting and presenting, Ty. You are selling to us. For example, if you were selling us that Arch Manning were going to win the Heisman, you have to say, “The deal I have for you: I’m talking about a Manning, I’m talking about a high-flying offense, I’m talking about a high-intensity conference where he’s going to get a ton of exposure.” You have to be able to convince Sarks of my and Andy’s esteem that we should be emotionally investing.
You can grade me afterwards and let me know how I do.
But I feel like I want the pep.
The only other thing I’ll offer as a disclaimer: this is obviously intended as parody. I don’t know if you guys have seen the jackets that Kevin O’Leary is wearing around or the $30 million necklace he wore to one of the award shows. We don’t want to deal with that legal team. So this is parody, guys. Nobody take this seriously.
Campbell v. Acuff-Rose. Read the case.
If you made it this far, follow or subscribe. We’d love to have you the rest of the way. We’re starting up our previews next month.
Are you guys ready?
Ready.
All right, let’s do it.
Pitch 1: Brendan Sorsby Leads Texas Tech to a Big 12 Title and CFP Win
Next up: an entrepreneur betting big on a magical season.
Hey, Sarks! I’m here today seeking your emotional investment in one Brendan Sorsby.
It’s a good place to start.
I didn’t even make it through the first sentence.
Are you insinuating that we should bet on Brendan Sorsby?
I’m here seeking your emotional investment in Brendan Sorsby leading Texas Tech to a Big 12 title and at least one win in the College Football Playoff.
Now, I know what you’re both thinking: Why invest in a controversy? Why would I want to do that? My answer, guys: this is college football. Why stop now?
As you both know, Sorsby won his injunction earlier this week. As of now, it sounds like he’s going to play after a brief suspension. Yes, there is an appeal in the works by the NCAA, but they don’t win in court.
This is your chance to get in early and get on board with Brendan Sorsby, who gives Tech the exact thing it needs to make a run: an upgrade at quarterback.
Sarks, now is not the time for pearl clutching. Now is the time to throw those emotional tortillas behind the next great Red Raider in a season that makes history. Thank you so much for your time.
So this is emotional capital, just to be clear, that we’re investing in this situation?
Another disclaimer, Parker. Wager some of this capital. It doesn’t matter the state you’re in. It’s all legal to invest emotionally in Texas Tech and Brendan Sorsby.
I’ll start. I’m going to invest lightly here. One, because we’re not positive what the outcome is going to be. Two, we’re pretty sure there’s going to be a double-middle-finger attitude from Texas Tech with regard to all of this. That’s what we’ve seen so far. They’ve been pretty staunch in their advocacy behind him and his ability to play this season.
The reason I’m not full, guns-blazing Masked Rider with this whole thing is that I merely think he’s decent. They had a decent quarterback last year who was merely decent. I think they had a better defensive line last season.
So I think their path to the playoff is pretty obvious. They still have the talent to do so. But to win a game within the playoff, when we don’t even know, A, if they’ll be there, and B, to what extent Sorsby will be a part of this whole thing, I’m going to invest 27% of my available emotional capital in this investment.
I do have the offer sound, by the way, that they play. I found that one on one of these fan sites or something.
Yeah, it’s not bad. Is Andy looking down because he’s writing on his legal pad?
I’m doing the math because I want equity here.
Yeah.
I want serious equity here because I’m going to invest a lot of emotional capital in this.
Really? Wow.
Because you said make the playoff and win one playoff game, right?
Right.
There are very few sure bets in this world, and this is not a sure bet, and I keep using the word “bet” when referring to Brendan Sorsby. I’m sorry about that. I don’t mean to.
The whole thing is a thematic exercise here, Andy. It’s okay.
I hear you, Dan, and I understand that the man is 1-11 as a starter in November. But he has not been on teams that are going to be as talented as this.
True.
And he has played tougher schedules in November, if we’re being real, than what they’re going to see. Although I do think Oklahoma State is going to be pretty good, and that’s one of the teams they play in November.
That November schedule is West Virginia, at Oklahoma State, at Baylor and TCU for the Red Raiders.
Given what we learned — and this is not speaking out of school, because it was all stipulated in documents filed in court by Brendan Sorsby’s legal team — he was kind of distracted while he was Cincinnati’s quarterback. I suspect those distractions will be removed because people will be watching him like a hawk this year.
So I do think perhaps he’s due for some improvement. He certainly has better talent around him. They certainly don’t play a difficult schedule.
So all you’re asking me, guys, is whether Texas Tech will get to the Big 12 Championship Game, win the Big 12 and then potentially win a playoff game. I feel pretty good about that.
What I am asking specifically, though, is if Brendan Sorsby will lead Texas Tech.
Well, they’re not going to bench him. So unless he gets hurt, yeah, he will.
The underlying question is whether he’s going to be able to play, given that there is an appeals process underway.
Do we think he has to play? They’ll hear that appeal sometime in February 2027.
Here’s the other thing: I think Andy is right that he won’t have the wagering distraction, but his name was not a household one — ever. He is likely better than Behren Morton.
Yes. He has to be, because Behren Morton led zero scoring drives in their playoff game.
So if he is better and they do win a game, that will all be self-evident. But I think the distraction will be replaced by pressure.
He now is looked at not personally, but in a sort of villainous way, for what he represents: the toothless nature of the NCAA. Going into road environments, everybody in that stadium is going to know and dislike strongly what Brendan Sorsby represents. He will have pressure that he’s never had and that likely no quarterback in the country, in this specific way, will have this year.
I just don’t know that that’s going to bother him that much. At Cincinnati, obviously, that’s going to be the most pressurized because he’s going back to the place he played for the last two years. This is the place where a lot of the bets were placed — not the ones we were really talking about, which were the ones in Indiana.
But he wasn’t ever expected at Cincinnati to be the missing playoff piece, which he is now.
No, but he did develop into a very good quarterback who probably raised their level of play. That’s probably why they’re mad he left.
You’ve got no Utah and no BYU on this regular season schedule. Presumably, you’re going to see one of those two at the end of the rainbow.
If you’re asking me whether Brendan Sorsby can take them to a Big 12 title and maybe win a playoff game, I think ideally, if you’re Texas Tech, you don’t blow through undefeated and wind up with a bye. I need them probably to lose a game in the regular season, maybe even two, and then win the Big 12 so that they are a lower seed and play in the first round. That gives me a better chance of winning the playoff game.
I’m not sure their roster is to a point where they can win against a team that makes the quarterfinals.
They almost assuredly, if not very likely, don’t have a single good defense on the road on this schedule. If you’re talking about pressure from a road environment, it’ll be Oregon State — well, it won’t be Oregon State because he’ll be suspended that game as of now. It’ll be at Colorado, at Cincinnati, at Oklahoma State and at Baylor. It’s tough to see any of those teams, as it stands in June, mounting a vicious defense.
And again, you can probably lose one of those. They lost to Arizona State last year and still ended up with a first-round bye.
For my purposes, I don’t want them to get a bye. I want them playing in the first round. I feel like that gives me a much better chance of my investment paying off.
That’s just being a shrewd Sark. That’s why we bring you on this show, Andy.
Exactly.
This is interesting to me. I didn’t expect to get this level of investment, but I’m very excited.
I am all in on that. And it’s funny because all the Texas Tech fans are mad at me because we keep talking on the show about what this ruling means and how it means the NCAA can’t enforce a rule against gambling on your own team, and how that’s probably a bad thing.
But I don’t have a problem personally with Brendan Sorsby. I understand why they’re going to play him. It gives them the best chance. That’s why they spent all that money on him. So, yeah, I think they’re still going to be really good.
You guys want to move on?
Yes.
Pitch 2: The SEC Wins the National Championship
Next up: a restoration project for a proud regional brand.
Hey, Sarks. You know, a lot has changed in college football over the years. The playoff field has expanded. There are more teams in it now than ever before. But as I travel this great land, one theme comes up time and again: fans feel left out.
How is it that the field, that the sport, is supposedly more inclusive, but so many fans still feel forgotten?
Sarks, I believe we can change that. Today, I’m seeking your emotional investment in the SEC winning this year’s national championship.
Regional brands. Oh my goodness.
It’s been too long since the SEC had a bite at the apple. Folks out there in the good old U.S. of A are fed up with the Big Ten. It’s being run by Tony Petitti — looks more like a petite conference to me with only a few good teams at the top.
Ooh, no, meaty.
Sarks, with your commitment, we can begin the hard work of restoring the image of a proud conference that’s been cast aside and left for dead by the cruel machinery of the national media and college football as a whole. Thank you for your time.
I’ll let my fellow Sark take this one first. So investing in the SEC’s return to a national championship place?
Listen, I think people have been very unfair to the SEC and downright mean, actually. Just because the Big Ten has won the last three national titles and an SEC team hasn’t even made the national title game.
It’s not like the SEC was ever arrogant about winning national titles when it was winning every national title.
Very humble.
Very humble. Exactly. I just don’t understand the meanness of it all.
Now, would I invest in the SEC winning the national title this year? I’m happy with a medium investment because I really do think this is a 50-50 proposition.
The top of the SEC and the top of the Big Ten are both pretty loaded. Then you’ve got Miami, which we can lump in with those teams. I think they’ll have a chance to be back in that mix. Notre Dame also has a chance to be back in the mix.
That’s why I’m just medium on this thing, because it’s not just SEC-Big Ten. Maybe it’s not even 50-50. Maybe the SEC has about a 40% chance of winning the national title, which is still good. If you keep playing it out, that means they’re going to win one pretty soon. But it’s not what it used to be. It’s not where you just assumed there would be one or two teams from the SEC playing for the national title every single year.
The namesake of this program, Sark, has one of the best rosters in college football. But so does Dan Lanning, so does Marcus Freeman, and so does Mario Cristobal. None of those guys are in the SEC.
If we’re talking about the teams that we believe have the rosters to win the national title — and I realize we just watched Indiana win a national title, so we should probably be casting a wider net — in the Big Ten, Oregon, Ohio State, Indiana again. How do we feel about Michigan, Penn State? USC, maybe, but probably not.
Those first three I mentioned, Notre Dame, absolutely. Miami, absolutely. Then in the SEC: Texas, Georgia. Who else climbs above that threshold is a question. Does Ole Miss? Does Oklahoma? Does LSU? Bama?
If Alabama.
Yeah, but the thing is, we don’t really feel that confident other than Texas and Georgia. I do think there will be one or two more.
The idea of an SEC national champion is pretty easy to see, either squinting or with wide-open eyes, because the best of Sam Leavitt if he’s healthy, combined with an LSU offense that looks like it has enough players to make noise and score points under Lane, and enough playmakers on defense — sure.
But it’s a lot of ifs. It’s a lot of new. In a lot of years, you’re banking on, “Well, the best of Alabama under Nick Saban should be that.” You can’t say that right now, especially with a new unknown at quarterback. We think Keelon Russell is going to be really good, but you have to have seen it.
If you’re having that conversation about Bama under Kalen DeBoer right now, Oklahoma has the defense, but not the quarterback.
I think John Mateer could be the quarterback. I just don’t know if they put enough around him offensively. I think Oklahoma is going to be better this year because I think they’re probably going to be able to run the ball better than they did last year, which would make them a lot more effective offensively. And their defense is going to continue to be good.
Alabama, I don’t know about. I don’t know if they’re going to be able to run the ball.
When I think about the quarterbacks in this conference, if you’re saying John Mateer could be that, then you think about having him throw into the Miami secondary, let alone the SEC secondaries, the Oregon secondary, the Ohio State secondary.
That’s where I’m like, okay, I see two and a half quarterbacks I feel decently good about. I don’t know Sam Leavitt’s health, so I’m not considering him at this moment. But it’s Trinidad Chambliss, Arch Manning and maybe Gunner Stockton.
I think the individual talent of LaNorris Sellers is intriguing, but that offense, the receivers and the offensive line in front of him — I just don’t see a huge ceiling. There are individual talents. I think it’s two and a half quarterbacks. I don’t know about the Ole Miss defense.
Basically, I think we’re realistically talking about Texas in this moment being the answer to this question.
Right. And they might be the answer. They might simply be the best team in the country because you saw them get better as last season went on. Then they add incredible pieces like Cam Coleman and Ra’Shaad Samples. They revamped the running back room with Hollywood Smothers and Raleigh Brown.
So it does feel a little bit like: how confident are you in Texas to do it?
Right. And we’re looking at a Texas team that may have the most difficult non-conference game in America. Or Ohio State has the most difficult non-conference game in America. So the odds of them tacking on a non-conference loss are higher than most. That’s what kept them out last year, in addition to the way they played against Florida.
I’m going to invest at a 35-40% level of my emotions in an SEC national champion this year. There are at least a handful of quarterbacks who have that ability. There are defenses with that ability. And weird as it is to say, Pete Golding is a playoff-tested head coach.
Two-and-one playoff record for Pete Golding.
Exactly right. Lane Kiffin is almost a playoff-tested head coach.
Zero-and-zero.
Zero-and-zero. So there are enough bites at the apple for me to say, yeah, 35-40%.
I would say 40%. That’s what I landed on a little earlier. It’s by no means a sure thing, but it’s going to happen at some point in the next couple of years.
Let’s move on, guys.
Pitch 3: Gary Patterson Fixes USC’s Defense
Next up: a vintage solution for a Hollywood-sized problem.
Hey, Sarks! I’m here seeking your emotional investment in Gary Patterson as the answer for Lincoln Riley’s defensive identity crisis at USC.
I get it. Gary is 66. He’s been mostly out of the game for the last couple years. But this is not just an advisor with a visor. This is a Hall of Fame coach. And if you’ve ever watched one of those coaches’ film room broadcasts on ESPN, you guys know what I’m talking about. The man still sees everything on the field.
Patterson gives USC exactly what it desperately needs: a trusted hand who can finally turn Lincoln Riley from the B out West into the beast out West.
So, Sarks, who is with me on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to invest in an elite defensive mind?
What is the investment? Is it USC turning a corner? Or are we going to look at USC as having solved its defensive problems, even if they don’t make the playoff, and say Gary Patterson is the clear answer?
I think we need to see real progress. It should be a playoff, perhaps, but at a minimum, real progress against a very, very difficult schedule.
It can’t be one of those things where November rolls around and we’re talking on our respective shows about how Jayden Maiava is throwing the crap out of the ball, the offense is scoring a ton of points and they have so much talent on that side, but the defense remains a liability, as it has been for the majority of Lincoln Riley’s career.
I’m thinking more generally in terms of it feeling like there are good vibes around the defense and where it is headed. There is a vision to rebuild it to where it probably should be for a team in Southern California, as opposed to where it has been for the most part over the last couple of years, which is, “Hey, how many points are they going to give up on Saturday?”
See, I feel like D’Anton Lynn had already done that. It seemed like he was heading in that direction. I love the Gary Patterson hire. It’s a tough situation because I don’t think they expected D’Anton Lynn to leave for essentially a parallel move. But it is him going back to his alma mater, so it makes sense.
I don’t think they saw that coming because they obviously didn’t see James Franklin getting fired coming.
I don’t know that adding Gary Patterson, as great as I think that hire is, necessarily puts them over the top to make a playoff against this schedule. This Big Ten schedule is so hard that they ducked out of the Notre Dame game for it.
Ty, you’re talking about coming into November and feeling like they’re not really in the mix for the playoff anymore. They play Oregon, Washington, Penn State and Ohio State before November. They play Ohio State on Halloween.
That may be the case.
By the way, they play at Indiana on November 14th. So two weeks before Thanksgiving, we may already know. It could be even earlier than that.
They’re going to have to be significantly better, not just on defense, but on offense to go 10-2 against this schedule.
Agree. When I look at this schedule, to me, it’s almost not even a Gary Patterson thing. It’s, okay, an excellent defense with depth can kind of weather this schedule with some breaks.
The question now is: there’s talent on the defensive line. There are some new linebackers. I think their shutdown corner hasn’t even suited up yet — the Iowa State transfer, Jantez Williams. He’s coming off the ACL tear.
When you look at the variety of offenses they’ll be playing: Oregon is pretty balanced. Washington will rely on a mobile quarterback who can improvise, and Jedd Fisch is a savvy play caller. It seems like they’re going to do a lot of their damage through the air, if at all.
And Penn State is going to play nine tight ends.
Exactly. Wisconsin is going to be a bucket of wrenches on the road in October. Penn State is across the country, and that’s a mystery right now. Ohio State, we don’t fully know what that offense is going to look like, but given Arthur Smith’s past, we know he is going to try to play angry on the ground for at least a chunk of that game.
Does USC have the depth of bodies and the size on defense to handle that deeper into the season? Indiana on the road is going to be difficult and is going to exploit whatever the holes are in that defense.
So to me, it’s a combination of: what does the offense look like? We know the quarterback is going to be good, but the receiving playmakers are just different. I don’t think Gary Patterson has the necessary depth and experience to be that difference-maker against this schedule.
I’ll put it at about 15%.
Yeah, I don’t think this is a Gary Patterson problem. I think this is a “you started recruiting the way you should be recruiting just recently, and you should have been doing this since Lincoln Riley got the job” problem.
If they had been doing this for two or three years — and this recruiting class really was the beginning of it — I’m not that worried. But given what they face and the way those opponents stack in the schedule, it’s going to be very difficult for them to go 10-2.
Last year was a different coordinator and different schedule, but was it Kamari Ramsey who was out for the Illinois game? They lost a safety and made Luke Altmyer look like a Heisman winner. He was just bombing it down the field. They did not have the depth. They did not have the ability to adjust.
When you’re not stacking recruiting classes and portal classes like they should have been doing — to Sark Andy’s point — Gary Patterson will have a limited ceiling given this schedule. So, yeah, 15%.
Let’s move on.
Pitch 4: A New Group of Six Team Crashes the Playoff
Next up: a startup looking for more startups.
Hey, Sarks. I’m here seeking your emotional investment in a new Group of Six team crashing the College Football Playoff party. Not Boise State. Not Tulane. Not JMU. We’re talking new blood.
As you guys know, these are exciting times for the G6. Not only is it developing talent for bigger schools, it’s also coming off a season that placed two teams in the field of 12.
The good news in 2026 is that you’ve got plenty of options for newcomers. Maybe it’s Dan Mullen and UNLV figuring something out with Jackson Arnold. Maybe it’s a Hawaii team coming off a nine-win season. Maybe it will be North Dakota State if the NCAA grants their waiver.
College football, Sarks, is increasingly a battle of haves versus have-nots. And while the online punditry is obsessed with trying to find a fix, I am here to tell you today that the best way to be a fan in 2026 is through the Group of Six.
Thank you very much. And true to form, I do have samples. If you look at your screen, we have some samples available for you to try out.
You don’t even have the one that’s going to make the playoff.
Maybe not.
USF Bulls.
I was just going to ask.
Under new coach Brian Hartline. An SEC quarterback, Michael Van Buren.
Yes, yes. Multiple SEC teams.
He’s well-versed.
I want to say maybe he was committed to both Oregon and Penn State at a certain point as well. He’s been around.
We are Van Buren Boys on this show. You know this, Dan.
True. Hartline walks into a situation where USF has set up their NIL probably better than anybody in that league, so he has a lot more resources to work with.
Obviously, they were pillaged when Alex Golesh left and took a lot of the better players to Auburn with him. But that’s to be expected. Hartline is an ace recruiter. Maybe the best wide receivers coach in the world. I’m not being hyperbolic there. I think that might be the case.
I expect him to have a very good Year 1. Now, the American is not going to be easy to win. Navy is going to be good. Army has been good. I think Charles Huff is going to do a good job at Memphis. He’s also in a situation where he has to replace a lot.
But I’m fascinated to see Hartline at USF because I think Golesh had it in a good place, and that administration has it in a very good place right now. They are probably supported as well as any team in the Group of Six.
Fair. If we want to be thorough, Ty, put the picture on the screen one more time for our audio listeners. You’ve pitched UNLV with Jackson Arnold; North Dakota State with a lot of new faces for the Bison; Fresno State now in the Pac-12; San Diego State now in the Pac-12; Hawaii, which has been doing fun things these past couple seasons; first-year coach Charles Huff in Memphis; Delaware because you like the Blue Hen.
I put Delaware in there just because I like the Blue Hen.
It should be pretty decent, but this is not really intended as a full inventory of your options. It’s more of an amuse-bouche of G6 teams you could pick if you are feeling inspired.
We’re still waiting on the NCAA with North Dakota State. That’s an interesting one for me because theoretically they could come in right away and win the Mountain West. You have the schism where the teams went to the Pac-12. The Mountain West is not nearly as deep as it would have been.
Could they come in right away? The waiver side of it remains to be seen. But what is the issue for so many G6 teams with regard to gaining national credibility? It took Boise forever. They had to build up that credibility over time.
North Dakota State steps into this much the way James Madison did, but North Dakota State is on a different level. They have decades of success behind that program that they can lean on, and that committee members can look at when ranking those teams and feel good about where the program has been and its ability to perform in high-leverage moments. That’s not something many of their peers can say.
I’m investing like 50-65% of my emotional capital in a new G6.
Thank you.
You neglected my pet team here. I know, and that’s the New Mexico Lobos.
I did that on purpose. I was hoping you would go there.
Jason Eck’s Lobos. They have an opportunity. I’m not going to go too deep because I have not studied what this year’s team looks like. But we know the Mountain West, in my opinion, may not be as robust as it has been in previous seasons with the loss of teams like San Diego State, Fresno State and Boise to the Pac-12.
They have an opportunity to have one of the best letdown wins of the season by getting Oklahoma after Oklahoma plays Michigan. New Mexico is obviously on the road in this matchup, but in terms of a letdown falling into the lap of the Lobos, that is a nice spot for them to get that sort of résumé win if they can somehow pull it off in Norman.
I’m not feeling great about it. I’m sure they’ll be like 27.5-point dogs or something. But they have that opportunity. The Mountain West adding, I believe, Northern Illinois and North Dakota State to its roster of teams — I just think it’s, our favorite preseason word, navigable.
A lot of syllables.
Navigable. I don’t hate the USF pick. I just think we’re ripe for something new this year, and I don’t love any of the stalwarts in the way that I have in previous years. I don’t think the Ashton Jeanty star power is obviously there right now.
So, yeah, 50-65% of my emotional investment in a new G6 team playing in January against one of the large boys.
The Lobos would be fun. You mentioned them going to Norman. The folks in Norman remember the Belldozer, Blake Bell. Well, the Lobos have their version of the Belldozer in James Lobstein. He’s the short-yardage quarterback, run-game guy who just comes in and freight-trains people.
I love Jason Eck. This is very fun. Likely Power Four head coach next season, Jason Eck. He seems like he has that command, that ability. Former Wisconsin offensive lineman, toiled away in the FCS for quite some time and then got to New Mexico.
They were left barren as well because that’s how things work in the Group of Five/Group of Six these days. He very quickly made them competitive again. He will be a pretty popular candidate if he keeps them winning. In Year 1, he was a weird tiebreak, dice-roll, coin-flip away from going to the Mountain West Championship Game.
He did it with an Iowa transfer receiver. Do we see a lot of teams using Iowa receivers successfully?
Not a ton in this sport.
No.
The schedule is not horrible. They’re at Hawaii. Also, there is connective tissue. I believe New Mexico is the Land of Enchantment. The home of legendary Oklahoma quarterback Landry Jones. Connective tissue with this matchup.
It’s June 10th. I’m calling it now: New Mexico pulling the upset. So, yeah, 50-65%.
All right, let’s see if we can squeeze two more in real quick before we’ve got to go.
Pitch 5: Anyone Other Than Miami Wins the ACC
Next up: a visionary who wants to diversify your portfolio.
Hey, Sarks, I’ll cut to the chase. I’m here seeking your emotional investment in literally anyone other than Miami winning the ACC.
Sure, the Canes have the roster, the momentum and the historic brand. But the ACC is not a conference that follows a clean script — ever.
They’ve never won the ACC.
That is also true. I left that out of the pitch.
This is a conference built for a team like Clemson, Louisville, Georgia Tech, SMU or some other moderately flawed team to show up in November and tear up everything we thought we knew.
Miami might be the obvious play, but obvious plays, Sarks, are how you end up emotionally bankrupt by November. Now is the time to buy anyone other than the loudest stock on the board. Now is the time to invest in the ACC doing what it does best: making it all up as it goes along.
Thank you for your time.
They still have to make up a tiebreaker, right? They say they’re going to try to make a new tiebreaker and pitch it to everybody else to see if they would join in. Everybody else is like, “They’re not joining you.”
How it works now: Miami, you get to write how the tiebreaker works. Seven-and-five champ.
I am 100% in on Miami. I am 0% investing in somebody else. I know it’s smart betting to look at the field strongly. I know weird things can happen with injuries. I know there are all sorts of variables.
We have seen Miami lose games it should win with decisions or mistakes at the end that have kept them out of these situations. There are reasons why we have streaks like this.
But streaks end. Miami wins its first ACC crown this year. No tiebreaker, no adversity, no endgame scenarios will prevent it. So you can keep your investment pitch. You get zero of my emotional dollars.
See, this is how I know there is room for you to improve as a Sark, Dan. I’m just going to say it. We’re friends here. If you wanted to really play the part, you’d step into this conversation and say, “Look, I appreciate what you’re doing. I’m already a Miami investor. I know what kind of work goes into building this into an ACC champion. And so, for those reasons, I’m out.”
For those reasons, I’m out. Look, I was going to say that. You’ve got to give me a chance to Sark.
Please, Sark. I eagerly await your — where’s my thing? If there are any offers on the board here, thank you for your time.
Unfortunately, I’m going full Michael Corleone. My offer is nothing.
Here’s the problem: you’ve based your pitch around an ACC championship, which I agree Miami has never won. So history is not on your side here. But what is Miami’s toughest game this season?
That would be Notre Dame.
A non-ACC game. It doesn’t count for this. Miami historically, whether it’s Mario Cristobal or Manny Diaz, is good for about two head-scratchers a year in conference play, correct? Last year it was Louisville and SMU.
I’m not sure there are any head-scratchers this year. And I realize you’re going to tell me, “Oh, but Andy, that’s what makes it a head-scratcher. You can’t see it coming.” I just don’t see it coming at all.
There’s an at-Clemson game, which could be dangerous because Clemson is always talented. But that’s not a head-scratcher. You’re not going to go into that game following your rousing win against Central Michigan thinking, “We’re just going to roll over Clemson.” It’s Clemson. It’s still Memorial Stadium. It’s still Death Valley. They’re still coming down the hill. So you’re going to be up for that game. You’re not losing that one.
You’re not losing at Stanford in Week 1 on a Friday night. Now, had they been sent to the Bay Area slightly north and east of Stanford on a Friday night in the middle of the season, like Clemson is, then I might have been willing to invest a little. If you have to play JKS on a Friday night in Berkeley, then I’m scared for you.
Miami likely should have lost that game two years ago with Mendoza.
Florida State does not scare me. Pitt doesn’t scare me. The Fighting Bill Belichicks don’t scare me. Duke in the Darian Mensah Revenge Game, maybe, but the fact that it’s the Darian Mensah Revenge Game is going to get Miami up for that game.
So really, you’re resting on James Franklin and Bill O’Brien here. That’s a lot to ask. And one loss is not going to keep you out of the conference championship game.
James Franklin is great in ranked games. I promise you.
And for that reason, I’m out.
One of the things I look at, as Sark Andy alluded to, is place and time, but it’s also the quarterbacks on this schedule. Are you going to be scared of Billy Edwards, Christopher Vizzina, Gio Lopez, Walker Eget, Ethan Grunkemeyer, Mason Heintschel, Gio Lopez?
Don’t say Mason Heintschel like that. He was a very effective starting quarterback as a freshman. Also, don’t watch his November if you want to continue along with this path.
Pete Reynolds. Now, if it’s Tate Reynolds and Tate Reynolds has taken over at Clemson, we might have a different conversation.
Do you know who Stanford’s starting quarterback is this year?
I do: Davis Warren.
Davis Warren, still going. Think about this: Andrew Luck played quarterback for Jim Harbaugh. Tavita Pritchard played quarterback for Jim Harbaugh. Who has played quarterback for Jim Harbaugh and still has eligibility? It’s Davis Warren coming down. He has, in practice, played quarterback for Jim Harbaugh.
I’m desperate to scrape together the dollars as a Hail Mary investment here. I just can’t find them with these quarterbacks.
I’ll be honest with you. I was writing this pitch and I was like, they have to be out here. I don’t think somebody else can’t do it. It’s just that we’re recording this on June 10th, and it is certainly not obvious who that team would be.
SMU is the one I would say.
SMU. Yeah. I’d be most worried about them.
But they don’t play SMU in the regular season. They’re not seeing them until the ACC Championship Game, and SMU has to make it.
SMU has a major — they don’t have Louisville either, right? Louisville has been quality, and Louisville beat them last year.
And you’re talking about a Louisville team with a quarterback who has played zero meaningful snaps.
All right, let’s do our Lincoln Kienholz final pitch here for the Sarks.
Erasure here.
Pitch 6: Notre Dame Is Aggressively Overrated
Next up: an entrepreneur undistracted by shiny objects.
Hey, Sarks. I am here seeking your emotional investment in the Notre Dame Fighting Irish being aggressively overrated.
Oh!
Look, Notre Dame might be very good. But this schedule is not exactly a cage match week in and week out. It’s Wisconsin at Lambeau Field. It’s a trip to BYU. It’s home games against Miami and SMU. And otherwise, a whole bunch of opponents where the Irish should be bigger, better, more dominant and, let’s just say it, a lot richer.
Sarks, now is not the time in this moment of college football peril to confuse winning a lot of games with being definitely elite. Now is the time to invest in Notre Dame as the sport’s most polished strength-of-schedule mirage.
Thank you for your time.
I’ll let Sark Andy go for this one first.
You’re investing in overrated Notre Dame having a terrific record during the regular season and then being exposed in January. That’s my interpretation.
Completely a product of their schedule, completely a product of the national punditry. We’re investing here in what real college football fans across this great land of ours see through the lens of the common fan and not through what they see on the major networks.
But you’re also pitching us on Notre Dame agreeing to play in the postseason, right?
If they make the playoff, they’ll agree.
Never say never.
We disagree with being the ninth seed.
Let me break this down for you. Was Notre Dame a product of its schedule when it lost to Marshall and then went on a win streak and made the first 12-team College Football Playoff? Because it certainly looked like it wasn’t when it was rolling to the national championship game through Indiana — which that win looks even different now, even better — Georgia and Penn State.
I think we all agree that if Notre Dame made the playoff last year, the Irish could have made noise in that playoff. I believe our friend Parker Fleming’s site, if you matched all those teams up on neutral fields, would have favored Notre Dame against more than half of the teams that made the playoff.
Notre Dame is for real. The roster is for real. They’re great on both lines of scrimmage. They have the best cornerback in the game in Leonard Moore. CJ Carr is going to be one of the best quarterbacks in the country, if he’s not already. You look at his numbers from last year. He was pretty spectacular as a first-year starter.
This is a good team. Is it their fault that USC is too scared to play them? They didn’t back out of that series. USC did.
They do play BYU. That is the best possible replacement they could have found on short notice. That’s a great game. They do play Miami. They do play SMU. It’s not like they won’t be challenged at all in the regular season.
But they’re not in a conference, Andy. Come on. Open your eyes.
Am I supposed to care that they’re not in a conference? I realize that bothers some people, but it doesn’t bother me. Let your freak flag fly.
I’m going to take a slightly different tack than Sark Andy here. In January, to win games, especially given who they could be playing against, I’m still not in love with their offensive skill talent around CJ Carr when you look at what other teams may have.
You mean losing the two first-round running backs?
Losing the two first-round running backs, not having obvious All-Whatever receivers or a tight end at the moment. I like their lines of scrimmage a good deal.
I’m not worried about that because they’re going to block.
They’re going to block. They’re going to win those games.
And here’s the thing: when I listen to SEC fans, they tell me having that non-gauntlet schedule is how you win national championships, right? They don’t have the schedule. They don’t have the gauntlet.
For that reason, I think I’m at least slightly in on Notre Dame being overrated, but not terribly so. I’m going 10-12%.
You’re all the way out?
Ten to 12%, even though Marcus Freeman has made a national championship game. I still want to see them. They’re so much deeper than the Brian Kelly Notre Dame teams used to be.
They are built to win national championships in this era.
If they need to score 34 points against Ole Miss in a playoff game, do you think they can?
Can Ole Miss score 34 on them?
That’s true. I mean, Marcel Reed led his team to zero touchdowns in the playoff and led them to 40-plus points against Notre Dame last season. So you never know. Football is weird.
I’m very biased on this one, as you guys know.
I was surprised you even asked it.
That’s right. Well, I have to go against tendency. This is what all the football term coaches do. This is what the best coaches in the game do.
I think because there are questions, particularly about the backfield — and they have good options, just not name-brand guys like they had the last couple years — I think they feel good about some of the names that popped in spring and some of the guys who are going to be joining up.
I would feel great about running behind that offensive line.
Yeah, they’re going to be okay there. The question about receiver is extremely valid. But if nothing more, they also have more options out wide than they’ve had before. This is a deep receiver room, even if it is not the most name-brand receiver room.
I think one of the lessons learned throughout the course of the season and now the offseason is that there is a lot more trust from the standpoint of Mike Denbrock and Marcus Freeman that they can take whatever gloves they had on CJ Carr fully off and let him run the offense. Let him stretch the field. Let him take some of those chances because they have this level of trust in his ability and his ability to process.
I think the offense is going to be a lot more built around CJ this year than it was last year, when it was more built around the ground assault.
I’m pretty confident, to your point, that if they have to go out there and score 30-plus points against a good opponent, the capability is there, even if the household names aren’t yet.
If we’re going to use my rubric of quarterback and defense — and even if you extend that to quarterback and lines of scrimmage — if they are not the No. 1 team in the nation that checks the quarterback and lines-of-scrimmage box, they’re probably one of the top three. Easily.
So I cannot in good conscience bet a good amount of my investment capital on Notre Dame being overrated, if that’s the starting point.
Fair enough.
Wrap-Up
Sarks, this has been a pleasure, as always, to get your business acumen as part of the show.
I had some other ones here. I won’t go through all of these. I had the question of whether Indiana will make a third straight playoff. I had a question of whether there will be a new team from the Big 12 making the College Football Playoff, other than TCU, Texas Tech, Arizona State — or you can go back as far as you want, like Cincinnati.
This was Dan’s, actually: will there be a Big Ten Heisman finalist quarterback not named Moore, Sayin, Hoover or Maiava? And more to the point, will there be an SEC Heisman finalist quarterback not named Arch Manning or Trinidad Chambliss?
We had some other ones that I don’t think we have time to get through today.
Gunner Stockton takes New York.
Yeah, man.
Hold on. The stock market.
Oh, right. Not bad. I missed on that one. It would have been perfect.
Gunner Stockton rings the bell.
Of course.
Stock Exchange.
Andy Staples, it is always a pleasure to have you on the show. Remind folks where they can find you and your work.
You can find me at On3.com, on the On3 YouTube channel and pretty much everywhere you get your podcasts.
You’re all over the place, man. Glad to hear the voice is still holding up. You’re always on my feed. Everywhere I look.
Hot tea.
Andy is technically glued to his office chair. He just has to keep recording.
More!
It’s Velcro. Two bathroom trips a day.
Thank you, Andy. Now we bring on Barbara Corcoran, right?
We’ll see if we can get her.
Exactly.
She is also Jason Eck Thoughts, weirdly enough. So we have to do it.
To the Verballers out there, thank you as always for downloading, for listening and for supporting. Check us out at Verballers.com if you want to support the team. Make sure you hit follow or subscribe on your platform of choice. Don’t forget to rate and review if you like what you heard.
We will be back next week talking more college football. In the meantime, for that guy over there, Dan Rubenstein; for our guest, our Sark of Honor, our good friend Andy Staples; and for myself, Ty, over here in Eastern Pennsylvania: enjoy the weekend. You know the drill. Stay solid. Peace.
Notes / Uncertainties
- Speaker labels were inferred from a mixed-down transcript, so some short interjections may be attributed imperfectly.
- Some proper nouns were corrected based on context, including Brendan Sorsby, Behren Morton, D’Anton Lynn, Jayden Maiava, Jantez Williams, Brian Hartline, Michael Van Buren, Alex Golesh, Charles Huff, Jason Eck, Jackson Arnold, Darian Mensah, Davis Warren, Mike Denbrock, Gunner Stockton and Trinidad Chambliss.
- A few player/team references were left as best-context readings where the original audio transcript was ambiguous.